We Can Dish It Out, But We Can’t Take It

This week I’ve been wondering: why do women handle rejection so badly? Of course I’m not implying that guys are immune to rejection, it’s something we all suffer from occasionally, like bad breath or a terrible haircut. But, compared to us they do seem to take it with a grain of salt. I’m not sure anyone likes being rejected, but I have found that females get terribly dramatic about the whole thing. “My life is OVER – I can’t cope – I’m going to post passive aggressive quotes and adorable selfies on Instagram until he realises what he’s lost.” (Ladies, it’s a bit sad, stop it). All I can say is that we’ve become used dishing out the rejection but we don’t like the bitter taste of our own medicine.

Let me break it down for you: girls reject guys every week. We avoid your glances, we don’t reply to your texts/direct messages/ snap chats, we decline your ‘friend requests’ and we laugh in your faces at the bar. We can start to get a bit of a big head and become very picky about who we our spend energy on. We get so used to shutting down male advances that we forget what it’s like to be shut down ourselves. For us, getting rejected is a lot like spending hours online searching for the perfect dress only to find your size has suddenly gone out of stock at the checkout. We spend so long scrolling past the ugly sweaters and ill-fitting bum shorts that life throws at us, that we get pretty disheartened when we finally find the garment of our dreams and its ‘currently unavailable’.

If you cross over the border into dating territory and it doesn’t work out that’s where things can start to get complicated. If you realise one day that Mr. Right is actually Mr. SO SO Wrong it can be harder than you expect to get the message across. Women often bank on the silent treatment; which is counterintuitive considering a lot of guys are deaf. Men are not so obsessed with decoding subtle messages, they want to be told in simple terms is this a ‘go’ or a ‘no’. Even if you think you have been placing glaring stop signs at every intersection, unless you are upfront with a guy, you are not going to get your message through. We assume that after six unanswered texts our lack of interest would be glaringly obvious, but I’ve had pet rocks that understand me better. “Hey, how are you?” “Out tonight?” “How was your weekend?” “Nice Selfie 😉 xx” “Wanna hang out?” “Happy /birthday/ Xmas/ Chinese New Year” “Hey Stranger”*cringe*

I’ve spoken to a few guys and they’ve told me they would much rather be told straight out “Sorry buddy, you’re just not my type,” than try and play the guessing game. Understanding women is like playing Scrabble in the dark – unless you lady-friend is willing to shed some light on the situation there’s not much point trying, so just pack up and go home. Believe me, we think we’re being obvious, but in reality there can be a pretty fine line between the behaviour of a woman brushing you off (because she’s not interested) and one playing hard to get (because she’s already planning your wedding). Maybe as women we could be a little more considerate about announcing our intended journey, so that we are not taking anyone on an uncomfortable ride… “Attention passengers: This train is running express to friend-zone station, this is a one-way service.”

If you’re a guy and the girl you’ve been dating has gradually changed from Amazing Amy to Psycho Sally then you’re in trouble. When it comes to letting a girl down easy, you’re damned if you do and you’re damned if you don’t. Giving a girl the silent treatment will open up an extensive investigation into your online activities as she tries to triangulate your movements. As she uncovers you activities she’ll turn from Sherlock Holmes into an hysterical mess as she calls her BBF to ask “Why the heck hasn’t he replied to my message from 7 hours ago?! I can see that in the past hour he has liked some skank’s Instagram photo and uploaded a new Snapchat story. Hang on, WTF…I’ve just seen that he was active on Facebook 2 minutes ago! What’s going on!?” …. “I dunno babe, I’m sure there’s a good reason he’s not replying to you… maybe he’s been kidnapped or he’s on a bad acid trip.” (Or maybe he’s hoping if he ignores you long enough you’ll go away…. He’s wrong.)

If he doesn’t offer up a good enough reason for his lack of interest we are probably going to squeeze it out of him by force, like the last ounce of toothpaste. The problem is that women really don’t want to know the truth – but they will ask for it anyway. Gentlemen, proceed with caution. Explaining your point of view requires the same tact used to handle the age old question “does my butt look big in this?” Even if our butt looks like a misshapen cantaloupe we don’t want to know; in the same respect we don’t actually want to know which of our weird/psychotic/annoying traits turned you off us. We don’t want to know that you are just not that keen, we’re not your type or you’re still getting over you’re ex-girlfriend from five years ago (seriously…who was she?! Flipping Adriana Lima – get over it already). In fact, we would much rather attribute it to your immaturity, poor self-esteem, fear of commitment or any other fabricated flaw we can make up to put the blame back onto you so we can sleep better at night.

Like I said, we tend to take rejection very, very personally. We see it as some kind of failure or inadequacy on our behalf. We get crazy over it and we beat ourselves up about it relentlessly. Then we buy the latest Taylor Swift album and listen to it on repeat as we cry into a pillow, wondering why we are so repulsive to the opposite sex. I can’t speak for guys, but outwardly they seem to take it on the chin when they get knocked back. I think we could learn a thing or two from them about just brushing ourselves off and getting on with it. Sorry babe, cancel the pity party.

For the record if you get turned down, it’s not the end of the world. That person isn’t telling you’re worthless, what they are trying to say is you’re not their favourite ice-cream flavour – and that’s okay, because you’re still delicious. Don’t sit at home crying over them, because I can guarantee they are not wasting any time sitting at home thinking about you. Maybe they prefer Fro-yo, maybe they just don’t feel like ice-cream at the moment … or maybe they are just secretly gay. It doesn’t matter. Just keep doing your thing, and don’t ever let a Bubble O’Bill make you feel like you’re not a Magnum.

(image via fyicecream.tumblr.com)

11 thoughts on “We Can Dish It Out, But We Can’t Take It

  1. I agree. I think us men should have higher standard, personality wise, for rejecting. Women should learn to take it, but as usual the problem is the socialized role, those who don’t take it maturely, are not used to propose themselves, I think, not only, it’s still something not expected from girls by the society, by default, many women roll with it, of course because anyway it’s less fatiguing to not be exposed. But we are used to the bullshit that men never refuse an occasion, especially no string sex. So while it’s inexact to assume that about no string sex, go figure if it’s about relationship, the standards are even higher, for both genders than for just sex.
    Thinking the men are always ready, women who think this way, give a quite different value to rejection than a man is expected to, if we accept the arrangement that men chase, and hence are supposed to be grateful and feel blessed when chased. Plus learning that women’s only selling point to men is attractiveness, also not true, they think a rejection from a man have a more general value than the other way round, and there’s little she can do to improve herself and have better chances than guys.
    That said there are many mature girls who initiate flrting and conversation which can take a rejection and many men who are as bitchy as the aforementioned women.


  2. You just HAD to put in the “maybe he’s gay” at the end didn’t you? Just in case there was any ambiguity you were female?

    Interesting article though, I think what you’re really getting at is the fact women actually feel horrendously entitled to male attention. In a climate of Guardian articles informing us “male entitlement to female attention is a problem” it’s odd women get away with this child like behaviour. I suppose women aren’t a threat to men the same way we are to them, but still, another double standard to add to the list.


  3. “…or maybe they are just secretly gay.” …seriously? hahaha. just like a girl, as you say, “…In fact, we would much rather attribute it to your immaturity, poor self-esteem, fear of commitment or any other fabricated flaw we can make up to put the blame back onto you so we can sleep better at night.” ha! proved. 🙂


  4. thats because women are extremely sensitive, they cannot handle the truth, thats why as men we lie to them. Honestly, I don’t lie to women, I tell’em the truth {no fear of getting backslapped by a woman}, personally, I never care who the truth hurts, like the saying goes, pain is love. I been single for a long while, getting into a relationship now, its pointless. Nobody works on staying together in a relationship no more. Most of all, I don’t believe in homosexuality, its fake.


    1. You make the same error of the article, speak too broadly. It’s the current arrangement. Also being outspoken shouldn’t mean being rude, that applies to women as well. And homosexuality is obviously real and exists.


  5. We get so used to shutting down male advances that we forget what it’s like to be shut down ourselves.

    Hit the nail. As a 30 year old single man, I’ve seen both sides of the rejection spectrum. Now that I’m finally older and wiser, and blessed with a healthy and nuanced understand of women’s true psychology (hell I should consider writing a book to help out other guys or at least volunteer at an online suicide helpline for jilted male lovers.). Well, at least, the tantrums of bitchy women no longer affect me. I certainly wish I had this maturity, healthy self-esteem and self-assurance 10-12 years back. To think it could have saved me plenty of heart-breaks, sigh. Well, you can’t change the course of history. But you can certainly learn from your bitter experiences.

    My biggest regret is not that I was rejected by a lot of women but that I wasted my precious time chasing pussy when I could have used it for something far more constructive, only if I had a positive male role model in my life who would acquaint me with the viles of women, and how much evil lurks in the hearts of women. There are some guys who are lucky in that regard. Most men, however, by the time, they are in their 40s, become embittered on this subject. They either marry down a vicious hag who makes their lives even more miserable or remain single forever. Under the given circumstances, I’ll say being a single, positive guy is far better than tying yourself to some self-serving, hate-filled monster just because she owns a pussy. Time is precious, fellas. Don’t waste it on anyone.

    During puberty, girls mature way faster than boys do. I’d say barring a few exceptions, most of them are 5 to 7 years ahead of boys physically and psychologically. So, a 17 year old guy dating a 17 year old classmate is really dating someone 7 years older. It’s basically a peer pressure thing. Girls are surrounded by other mature women from an early age (mothers, older sisters, aunts). This forces them to grow an understanding of the real world faster than most boys who lack positive male role models nowadays (Television and movies does not count). We’re living in gender-equal societies where being a dominant man is heavily frowned on by society. Added to the fact that many boys are raised by single mothers, we have way too many man-children, and a healthy dose of feminist, ultra-liberal crappola, most boys grow up internalizing the stupid notion that “women are innocent and sweet by nature”. Nothing could be farther from the truth.

    During high school and college, heartless bitches wouldn’t think twice before trampling over me and other guys for their own pleasure and selfish needs. We never meant them any harm but were just too naive and stupid to see through their game plan, a buncha stupid white knights. They never cared about our feelings and just used us at every turn. All of them are in their late 20s and early 30s now and nearly not as hot and popular as they once were. Some of them are STILL SINGLE and unable to find a proper man. I hope they grow older pretty soon and die real lonely. Karma will come back to haunt them. Some of them sent me friend requests on Facebook despite treating me like shit back in college. I blocked all of them.

    Yesterday I ran into a bitch from college. She now has a bastard child and struggles a lot financially, she confessed to me right now she doesn’t have enough to pay her rent, smokes 10 cigarettes a day and was looking at me wistfully, expecting me to take interest in her. Basically, she needs a pad. Back then, she used to laugh at me, “you’re not my type”. Yesterday I saw the same desperation in her eyes as she did in mine 10 years back. I say, revenge is a dish best served cold. I gave her my number and offered to call her sometimes. But hell no. I’ve been done with her for the past 8 years at least and the way she has injured my heart, I wouldn’t care anymore if she dies homeless.

    Only 20% women are what I would consider genuinely nice and I wouldn’t wish any harm on them. Most of them have been raised with proper values and are nearly not as cruel as the heartless bitches.




    2. Wow, I get women should criticized individually and we should point out some negative phenomenon about them, but why generalizing. It’s like being overly cautious just because some men are assholes.
      “Only 20% women are what I would consider genuinely nice and I wouldn’t wish any harm on them.” seriously ths can get out of hand.
      And it’s not about feminism, I think feminism is good at denouncing the system, but should focus more about the fact it’s many women who also maintain it, on top of men. It’s a self perpetuating spiral.
      And don’t spit on gender equality, I think you really want more of that.


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