Relationships and technology – two areas of my life where, despite all my best intentions, I have taken a few hits. I’ve probably spent roughly as much time in JB HI-FI processing warrantee claims as I’ve spent trying to sew back together my heart and my dignity. In a complex world where even smartphones have an opinion of their own, it can be very hard to back your own judgement. It’s hard to know whether to hold ‘em or fold ‘em, when everyone keeps promising the next big thing is right around the corner. Should I buy the iPhone I’ve been dreaming of for the past six months or do I wait and see what the next model will be like? What if I wait another two months only to find the next model is basically no different and $200 more expensive? I’m at a loss. So I ask my friends what they think I should do and they tell me to forget iPhones and go get a Samsung. The whole experience is utterly bewildering and I would rather give up and go live on an island. For me, dating is pretty much the same story.
What if we are so busy looking far off into the distance for the next innovation that we forget what’s really most important? Unperturbed by my past technological breakdowns I am still entirely optimistic that there is a model out there for me. I wonder though – is the whizz-bang HD, 3D, intuitive, line-around-the-block latest-release really what I’m looking for? Maybe what I actually want is someone solid; someone strong; someone who can handle a fall; can communicate with me, doesn’t complicate things unnecessarily and won’t start malfunctioning if I drop him in the kitchen sink. Hang on, wait — now I’m not sure if I’m talking about a man or a Nokia. I think back to the days when the only important feature in a phone was Snake 2 and wish dating could be as simple.
Funnily enough, I’m an android user – I don’t know what that says about me as a person. Maybe I’m pragmatic and I want functionality over flash. You might just think it means I’m stingy; there could be some truth to that too. But if you want to debate the value of an iPhone vs a Samsung in rational terms, there is really no justification for the price discrepancy between the two, just like how Nike sportswear is made of the same stuff as New Balance but twice the price (hint as to where I buy my gym gear). I don’t really buy into brands and I really don’t buy into iPhones. I don’t like the exclusive chargers, I don’t like the glass screen that crack if you sneeze on them and I don’t like the obligatory software. They are very pretty though.
What implications does this have for my dating life? Maybe my choice of android over iOS is because over my overwhelming fear of having my heart chewed up and spat out by iTunes. I’m scared of putting everything I care about into one lousy device that is not backed up properly. Something that has the propensity to heartlessly delete my entire existence in one foul swoop. Sounds a lot like a guy, right? Maybe that’s a reflection of my love life. Maybe I hold back all of my important data because I don’t want to leave my valuable content at the mercy of some heartless and unreliable male computer program.
So I’ve always thought Samsung is the safe bet, the smart bet, the reliable choice. I also like what they stand for – they are courageous, they are smart and best of all they are (or were) the underdog. Investing in the less obvious choice can really pay off. For instance I always loved people that were ugly ducklings, they are always the best value. It could be the fat kid, the guy with bad teeth, the girl with the awful hair. Being socially less desirable in your youth can force you to equip yourself with tools much stronger than your appearance. These are the kids who are funnier, smarter and stronger than the rest because they had to force their way up the school yard ranks, they couldn’t just rely on good looks. Given those ducks five years though and their metabolisms have sped up, the braces are off and they’ve got an army of hair stylists. Bubye ugly duckling, hello beautiful swan and jealous gasps from past skeptics: “Holy shit, you got hotttttt!”
I always try to date swans. They’re more humble, they’ve got personality and they are bloody beautiful people. Take it from me, I was a fat kid and that’s why I’ve developed humour. The only looks-based competition I was winning was second prize in the Monopoly beauty pageant (Collect $10, thank you very much) so I needed to get people’s attention some other way. I guess I’ve always considered Android to be the ugly duckling and that resonates with me. Apart from the hours spent at work or sleeping, phones and relationships are probably my biggest time commitment. So I’ve always wanted to share that time with someone who understands me, whether that’s a person or an operating system. Reflectively I’m probably just bitter about because the iPhone was born hot and popular but like Android I feel I’ve had to earn my stripes.
Where are we at? I think I’m trying to date an Android-based water fowl, so maybe it’s no surprise that I haven’t had much luck thus far. Unfortunately in my attempted to avoid the dreaded i-phenomenon I’ve actually had a pretty average run with both phones and men. Ironically, I can’t seem to make a phone or a relationship last for longer than a year. The lesson there might be that I really should take better care of my phones and my boyfriends. Or perhaps I should take a chance on the iWagon and see if I’m swept off my feet like the rest of the fanatics. Up until now I’ve been going through the same cycle over and over again and hoping for a different result. We all know that’s the definition of insanity. Like my phones, I tend to expect a lot out of my romances and they tend always end up over-heating and burning out way too soon. Until I work out what’s best for me I’m not committing to another contract.